Once you’ve been with someone for a while, your interactions can become routine. However, when you’ve been in a relationship for long enough, it’s easy to start taking your partner for granted. It doesn’t matter what ethnicity or gender your partner is; everyone can, in some way or another, forget that they’re supposed to love their other half. When that happens, issues start to crop up, which can lead to resentment, and especially for long-term couples in Japan, that can ultimately lead to sotsukon or divorce. Here are some things you and your partner can do to bring the spark back to your relationship.
Popular Relationship Rules
These rules are intended to give you and your partner guidance on how to spend time together and communicate more efficiently and meaningfully.
The 70-30 Rule
Some relationship experts believe that dividing the time you spend with your partner (outside of work hours) can not only help you but also build a stronger relationship. The idea here is to spend 70% of your time with your partner and 30% by yourself/with friends.
The 7-7-7 Rule
Have a date night every seven days, a weekend getaway every seven weeks and a longer, romantic vacation every seven months. This timeline is designed to provide structured opportunities for intentional quality time for a couple, and therefore to encourage intimacy, fun and rebuilding the connection between partners. Essentially, the goal is for both partners to make consistent, concentrated efforts to be together.
The 5-5-5 Rule
This is a mindfulness and communication tool that individuals and couples can use when conflicts arise. Basically, when faced with an issue, you pause and consider whether said issue will matter in five minutes, five days or five years. This way, you can shift your focus to what really matters, and de-escalate an argument if you’re speaking with your partner.
For some couples, keeping these rules in mind can do wonders for their relationship. For others, not so much, which is why there are other practices that people can put into place to rebuild their relationship.
Best General Practices
There are five general practices every couple should keep in mind in order to keep the spark alive in their relationship.
1. Communicate
While it seems obvious, it’s shockingly easy to make communicating with your partner perfunctory. Questions asked while staring at your phone screen, listing things that need doing/purchasing to one another, and otherwise sharing only the briefest of conversations is a death sentence to many relationships.
Couples in Japan, especially in relationships where there may be a somewhat of a language barrier, might find it easier to communicate via text. You could try writing letters to one another, or better yet, try your own version of a language exchange session. It doesn’t matter what language you speak together, so long as you both put in the effort to communicate. Sometimes studying together can be what gets a couple back in sync.
2. Be Considerate
Being polite is not the same as being considerate, and in many cases, people stop being considerate of one another after being in a relationship for a long time. Thanking your partner for making dinner or taking out the garbage, telling them that you’re grateful for something they’ve done and otherwise acknowledging them can go a long way.
If you aren’t comfortable expressing things in words, then acts of service can help. Taking care of a task for them, running the bath for them or bringing them flowers or their favorite treat “just because” are some good places to start.
3. Keep Your Partner Involved
This should be obvious, but don’t shut your partner out of your life. “How was work today?” “Good.” Plenty of people are guilty of having these short, ultimately meaningless exchanges with their partners, and they aren’t a big deal—unless that’s all you share with your partner.
When both parties keep their personal details to themselves, the relationship can quickly break down into a roommate situation. Of course, some people are fine with a platonic or companionship-based relationship, but if that’s not what either of you wants, you need to open up and share more about your lives.
4. Change Things Up
As people grow older, their hobbies and interests will naturally change. For some couples, they discover that they don’t have as much in common with their partner as they once did. This is exceptionally common for retired couples, but it can happen at any age.
That doesn’t mean you’ve grown apart or that you’re no longer a good fit for one another. Unless the changes are extreme, you and your partner now have the opportunity to find new interests or hobbies to enjoy together.
There is no shortage of classes, trial lessons, events, or festivals in Japan at any given time of the year, and many are free to join. To find out what’s happening in Tokyo each month, check out this link.
5. Express Affection and Encourage Intimacy
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- External Link
- https://savvytokyo.com/
1 Comment
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KazukoHarmony
You know something is amiss when all the “long-term couples” in the photos appear to be in their twenties.